finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
