Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
