i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
