Are we in a gay sports bar?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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