I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
