hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
