Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
oh god was she eating orange peels again
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
