I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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