my sisters under your porch take her home
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
