Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
