Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
