don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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