I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Let's paint friendship bongs
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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