Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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