And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
even my farts smell like vagina
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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