I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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