at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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