I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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