we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
