I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
