I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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