I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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