im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize