Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
