I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
