Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
