Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
