Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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