well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
