hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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