Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize