Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
