I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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