90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
