Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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