wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
