did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
