Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I've blown a few things in my day
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
