I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
