i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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