fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
