You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
