Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
