the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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