recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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