I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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