Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
