dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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