She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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