There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
