When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
