I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
