stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
