It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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