Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
