Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
