Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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