note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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