Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize