it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
