Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
