To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize