she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
