Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
