i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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