Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
