I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
