Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
