this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The struggles of a small town man whore
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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