I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
