Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
