I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
