She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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