Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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