Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
