I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Randomize
