I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
