Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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