remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize