Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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