so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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