well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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