??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
