So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
